Tuesday, November 29, 2011

#20 Imalittleteapot-Man

Matt Yerbatski is a high ranking officer of the law and collector of teapots. One particular teapot in his possession just so happens to be imbued with phenomenal cosmic powers. By reciting the not so secret oath, the teapot engulfs Yerbatski forming an impenetrable suit around him, granting him unimaginable strength, the power of flight, and the ability to somehow pour scalding water from his hands when tipped over.

Friday, November 25, 2011

#19 Crazy Leica Fox

Wildlife photographer Johnston Reynard was tracking foxes for a piece in National Geographic when he was hit in the head by a meteoroid killing him instantaneously. A curious fox approached the mysterious glowing rock and smashy-headed human and was mutated just enough to make his paws more dexterous, develop an interest in photography, and grow a fondness for Hawaiian shirts.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

#18 Madam Peanut

And now finally, the secret origin of the archenemy of Scott 'n' Snott! While on a class trip to a peanut packaging factory, Scott's powers manifested for the first time sending student teacher Shelly Valencia flying into a gigantic barrel of peanuts. It took the workers over an hour to get her out. Short as her legume seclusion was, Ms. Valencia emerged forever changed. She gave up being a student teacher and instead became a student of villainy, vowing revenge on Mr. Spring for her ordeal. Shelly Valencia was no more. There is only Madam Peanut!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

#17 Vacuucumber

Boy genius Sammy Sativus never liked eating his vegetables. In attempt to make them suck less, he accidentally make them suck more. Far more than he could ever have possibly imagined!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

#15 Sealed-Can Coelacanth

Some time ago an alien craft crashed into the Earth's ocean, injuring a coelacanth. Taking pity on the fish, the aliens brought it inside and froze it so that they might have some later project to work on in their free time while trying to repair their ship. 80 million unsuccessful years later they finally got bored. The coelacanth had its intelligence increased and was bonded to a robotic life-sustaining humanoid suit. It would be sent out from the alien's underwater base to do whatever in the world above for their entertainment. It just so happens that it decided to become a superhero.

Friday, November 18, 2011

#14 Oyster Harvester

We've all heard the saying "the world is your oyster." Well, meet the Oyster Harvester. Posing as a high school guidance counselor, Floyd Meddleson spends his days stealing the potential of the teenagers he's paid to help. The costume is just for home use.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

#13 Blankitten

While driving home during a thunderstorm Blanche Fitzcatrick hit an old woman who had darted across the street chasing after a cat. When Blanche got out of her car to check on the woman, she had vanished. All that remained was a dirty old blanket from which a faint meowing could be heard. The blanket was actually a gateway to the long forgotten Land of the Giant Kittens. Peering into the bowels of cuteness, Blanche learned the secret of the blanket and took up the mantle of Blankitten, with the ability to spew forth giant extradimensional kittens whenever needed.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

#11 Tar-tle & #12 Alliga-tar

Thousands of years ago a turtle and an alligator fell into a tar pit whilst fighting. Today they emerge as the giant mutants Tar-tle and Alliga-tar to continue their eternal battle which-- actually, it appears Alliga-tar won.

Friday, November 11, 2011

#10 Evan-cerator

Evan-cerator got his name from killing on the dance floor...literally. No club would allow him entrance after the tenth body he turned into puree. Saddened by this development, Evan decided to take up modern dance so he could fully express himself. It wasn't too hard finding participants willing to die for their art. Besides, if you happen to be one of the survivors, you receive a tasty meat shake.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

#9 Cowbelladonna

The daughter of a human and a minotaur, Belle was too beastly for the world of men and too human for the world of monsters. A cowbell was affixed to a collar around her neck to prevent her sneaking into either of the lands that wanted no part of her. (While her hands are not cloven, she does not possess the dexterity to remove the bell.) Cowbelladonna, as she came to be known, was adopted by the woods themselves learning witchcraft from the forest spirits, periodically sending out information gathering plants to learn about the goings-on outside of the forest. And if she does not like what she hears...well, she's pretty proficient in poisons.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

#8 Scalpula

Scalpula was once a great and powerful vampire. That is, until he was beheaded. Luckily his accident occurred in an era where pigmy cows and industrial grade hamsters are plentiful.

Monday, November 7, 2011

#7 Green Grocer

Alexis Floros is a greengrocer by day and the Green Grocer in the late afternoon. By consuming only the freshest of vegetables Alexis gains the ability to fly and throw produce with alarming accuracy.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

#6 Goalem

When Team Chutzpah's goalie fell ill, Coach Rabbi Futboliwitz took dirt from the playing field and created the Goalem as his replacement. Nothing can get past its rock-solid defense.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

#5 Shao-Her

When the mystical plumber village came under attack from the carpenters of the north, the infant Shui was left by her father at Shaolin Temple so that she might have a fighting chance. After many years of training, Shui learned of her past and sought to avenge her people. With her village's weapons in tow, Shui emerged from Shaolin Temple as Shao-Her, ready to rain down on any parade of evil.

Friday, November 4, 2011

#4 Spring Chicken

Kenneth Fowler never had an easy life, always on the brink of a mental collapse from his high stress job as chicken farmer. The one thing he always prided himself on however was his youthful appearance and vibrant energy. So when at the doctor's office for his decennial checkup he was told he was no longer a spring chicken and should slow down, Kenneth snapped. He barricaded himself in his house for weeks eating nothing but chicken while fashioning himself a chicken suit made out of chickens. One way or another he would be called a spring chicken once more. So far he's just been referred to as "Crazy Kenny" and thus his hopping continues.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

#3 Lady Limber Tea

While attempting to rescue a seal from Boston Harbor, Chamomile Grey happened upon an intact airtight chest of tea from the Boston Tea Party. Upon drinking the aged leaves Chamomile gains increased flexibility, loosening her tendons as well as her bowels. On occasion she'll employ her powers for crime-fighting but she mostly uses them to show off during her yoga class. When she utters her catchphrase "It's Tea Time!" prepare to either be kicked in the face or served cucumber sandwiches.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

#2 Rhyclops

Dr. Ryan Ceros aka Rhyclops is the founder of the Rhinocereye Institute for Ophthalmological Rhinocerotidae Studies, inventor of the Cycloptic Animal Transmatter Shooter or C.A.T.S. (he's currently looking for a more rhino inclined acronym), and pun aficionado. C.A.T.S. can shoot any number of animals housed in its DNA cartridge. Ryan has yet to find a valid reason to shoot kittens at his enemies however.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

#1 Scott 'n' Snot

Scott Spring is allergic to almost everything. When subjected to what would be deadly allergens, his body produces an abundance of sentient mucus known only as Snot who will carry him away from danger. If Scott is pursued by bullies and the like he can voluntarily expose himself to any number of allergens to bring forth Snot to fight his battles for him. The more allergic Scott is to a particular allergen, the stronger Snot becomes. Scott carries a single peanut in a plastic vial on him at all times for worst case scenarios.

30 Character Challenge

I'm partaking in the 30 characters in 30 days challenge at 30characters.com. That will explain the numbers proceeding my next 30 (fingers crossed) entries.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Blue Torch

In 1956, astronaut Jerry Blake stumbles across the Mystic Blue Torch, a powerful magical artifact that he used to fight crime and injustice from 1956 until the day he disappeared in 1985. Official member of the Society of Liberty and unofficial member of Frank Sinatra's "Rat Pack".

From: Weekly Sketch Group #229

Friday, October 14, 2011

Water Bear

Chunk Kapowski was a bruiser with a heart of gold. His toughness was only outmatched by his kindness, making him the perfect candidate for a radical experiment in outer space. Armadillo Aerospace wanted to see how the toughest people they could find dealt with a ship that had far less radiation shielding than required. Chunk was an easy choice, but of course was never told the true plan for his mission. The vessel was also filled with Tardigrades, whose ability to survive in even the most extreme environments made them the perfect companions for the ill-fated crew. Once in orbit, the affects of the radiation began to take hold, slowly crippling all in the crew save Chunk. In frustration, Chunk lashed out, smashing one of the tardigrade containers, covering himself in the irradiated microscopic animals. The water bears coated his skin, fusing with his very cells, and while Chunk writhed in pain his newly formed carapace hardened his hand enough to punch right through the hull of ship. Killing all inside except himself. After re-entering earth’s atmosphere unassisted, Chunk has lost much of his compassion and humanity, but he had gained an impressive power set and new name: Water Bear!

One important aspect of a villain is their ability to survive after apparent death. And no one is better at that than Water Bear. High altitude, deep depths, no oxygen, radiation, fire, ice are all as comfy as a soft bed to Chunk. If things get too tough he just shutdowns for a bit until conditions are more to his liking. It makes him unpredictable as an ally in a fight, but you know he’ll be there for round 2.

From: Obscure Animals and Superpowers Part 2: The Villains

Mimic Octopus

Everyone joked that Amisha Tippettra should have been born with gills. An avid SCUBA diver and devout pescetarian, it seemed like she spent more with marine life than with people. What nobody realized is that her frequent trips beneath the surf were an attempt to find the voice. The voice that had been calling her all her life it seemed. Whispers wafting through the curtains carried by the ocean breeze while she slept. Telling her to hide, pretend to be something else, get away from aggressors by changing clothes, behavior, and habitat. She never knew what it meant, only that the answer was under the surface of the sea. But one day, she sees the source of the voices, it looks just like a rock, but then it doesn’t, it looks like a sponge, or a flounder, or a snake. Constantly shifting size, shape, and color faster than her eyes could focus. But this was mere distraction, because Amisha didn’t notice the tentacle reaching around behind her, slowly turning off her air. By the time she noticed it was too late. 7 more suction-cup laden arms wrapper around her tight as she struggled to breath. She finally came eye-to-eye with the demon that had haunted her all these years. And she saw it change size and shape until it looked just like her, before she slid into the abyss. Thus, what arose from the waves was not Amisha at all, rather a grotesque imitation with a sadistic pleasure for trickery and subterfuge known as Mimic Octopus!

From: Obscure Animals and Superpowers Part 2: The Villains

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Hoatzin

Renee Urbino had always been a city girl with no love for nature. She’d take the bus to the gym to run on the treadmill instead of just running to the gym and back. She could climb every route in the air-conditioned climbing gym, but couldn’t remember the last time she’d deigned to touch a real rock. So when she headed to Rio de Janeiro for Carnival she expected that should wouldn’t go anywhere near actual wilderness. But a drunken night found her in the hands of kidnappers, who were sure they could fetch a handsome price for a pretty alemão. Renee’s head was still pounding from a hangover when she heard the door to her room unlock and open, but instead of any of her captors, there stood a gangly fuzzy bird.

“How did you open the door?” she asked.

The bird held up its wing to reveal that instead of flight feathers, there were functional fingers!

The bird then shook violently, shedding feathers and fuzz, undergoing a catastrophic molt right before Renee’s eyes and transforming into a fine adult specimen.

“Thank you so much for saving me!”

A voice emanated from the animal, “Yes, but now you must do something for me…”

And on that day, Renee too was transformed. She lost her love of cities, and instead became an advocate for the forest, determined to stop human encroachment on nature, through any means necessary. She is now, Hoatzin, Defender of the Forest!

From: Obscure Animals and Superpowers Part 2: The Villains

The Captain

Patrick Kirkpatrick was always being picked on. And why not? He was a nerd. Bullying came with the territory. But Patrick saw an opportunity to change things when the government was looking for scientists to design weapons systems. Patrick used his zoological knowledge in combination with government resources and tech to create a set of gauntlets based on the creepiest of all lemurs, the aye-aye. Unfortunately, a ‘freak’ explosion in Patrick’s lab destroyed all his work, and evidence of arson cost him his job. But it was no matter, because now Patrick had the tools he needed to pick back at all those that had picked on him for so long. He works with a team, but make no mistake, Patrick Kirkpatick is now The Captain!

From: Obscure Animals and Superpowers Part 2: The Villains

Friday, September 30, 2011

The Queen

Shelly Dover was an assistant at an advanced research lab studying eusociality, or animals that are truly social, such as Honeybees and Naked Mole Rats. The work involved behavior modification with hormones. While cleaning the Naked Mole Rats’ habitat the colony, acting with greater unison and coordination than had ever been seen before enacted an escape. Fearing for her job, Shelly attempted to stop their egress, angering the queen who redirected the group’s aggression towards Shelly. After being bit repeated by tiny sharp teeth Shelly thought she was surely going to die but when she was found on the lab floor the next morning she showed no signs of injury. The modified mole saliva had left her with the powers of a naked mole rat, and since that day she has lead the team as THE QUEEN!

She may look delicate, but don’t be fooled. Shelly now has a pain threshold that Colossus would envy. Acids don’t matter, CO2 inhalation is no problems, and she’s now basically immune to cancer. Since naked mole rats live longer than any other rodent, and humans longer than any other ape, it’s not even clear that she’ll ever die. Shelly also has a strong empathic link to the rest of team, she truly is the kind of leader that wouldn’t ask for something she wouldn’t do herself. She expects a lot, but gives it back in spades, and while monogamy isn’t really her thing, there’s a sneaking suspicion around the base that she and Mantis Shrimp may be making time.

From: http://ifanboy.com/articles/columns/obscure-animal-superheroes-i-want-to-see/

Megatherium

While exploring the Amazon, Xavier Mykenos stumbled upon a hidden tribe of native Amazonians. These Amazons had tamed one of the most impressive beasts of old, the Giant Ground Sloth. Thought to be extinct, Xavier took the opportunity to further science by living with the tribe and learning their ways. Eventually they allowed him to become a full-fledged member of their group, teaching him their mystic means of empathic sloth control. Now whenever he needs to, Xavier can call upon the spirits of the behemoth, transforming him into the lumbering titan known as MEGATHERIUM.

The powerhouse of the squad. He’s slow, but tough. And look at those claws! Kind of a Sasquatch + Wolverine cranked all the way up to eleven. Osteoderms (aka bits of bone) under the skin made him as durable as bane, and believe it or not, he can float! While he can’t match Mantis Shrimp or Titanis for speed, he can take punishment while dishing it out. Surprisingly, Xavier is also a master of camouflage, as he emits no odor, can move through dense forest silently, and can remain hiding from view for millennia (theoretically, at least).

From: http://ifanboy.com/articles/columns/obscure-animal-superheroes-i-want-to-see/

Titanis

Tanya Padilla was an avid birder, who always went out of her way to see the rarest and hard-to-find specimens. It was this attitude that led to her to Costa Rica to find some of the most magnificent avian animals in the Americas. Charging head long into the bosque after hearing the call of the three-wattled bell bird, she thought she saw the flash of a Resplendent Quetzal, easily one of the prettiest birds the tiny nation had to offer. While scrabbling through the forest Tanya unknowingly stumbles into the ruins of a pre-Colombian village.

Completely overgrown, the only thing that remains untouched is the perfectly reconstructed statue of a giant bird, a terror bird. The three-wattled bell bird calls again, the bones begin to glow then a flash of light. When Tanya awakes she finds herself transformed into the fast and furious TITANIS!

She fast, she’s sharp and she’s mean. The most fleet of foot of the foursome with no time for nonsense. He razor sharp beak slices right through crime, and even though she can’t fly, don’t think you’ll be able to get away. Tanya is a top predator from the time between the last of the dinosaurs and the true rise of the mammals, and even though her namesake may have faded to obscurity, Tanya is determined to stay on top!

From: http://ifanboy.com/articles/columns/obscure-animal-superheroes-i-want-to-see/

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Mantis Shrimp

When Randall “The Crust” Auerbach ate a bowl of Cioppino he didn’t realize that the whole thing had been tainted with illegal waste. Waste dumped by the mafia, illegally. The now mutagenic crustaceans turned Randall into a hard hitting, encrusted, Homo stomatopodus known as MANTIS SHRIMP!

The firebrand. The shoot-first-ask-questions later kinda guy. He’s sort of the Midnighter of the team; tough as nails, can dish out the pain, and is sometimes even monogamous. His main offensive ability are his keratin-infused fists which he can lash out with faster than the eye can see. About 50 times quicker than the time it takes you to blink. Randall is also incredibly territorial, with senses so keen that when he’s on guard nothing can sneak past. His eyes now have 6 pupils, giving him the depth perception necessary to accurately place his killer strikes. He can smell well enough to track, and see in ultraviolet just for good measure.

From: http://ifanboy.com/articles/columns/obscure-animal-superheroes-i-want-to-see/